Some people have heard of The Universal Mary-Sue Litmus Test. To those who haven't, it's quite an amazing thing, really. Basically, the lower the score, the less Mary-Sue-like the character is.

And nearly everyone has either read, seen, heard of, or burned a copy of Twilight. To anyone lucky enough to have no idea what it is, it's basically a vampire story with sparkles and no realism at all. (Someone at a convention told me that Meyer told him that the Vampires were originally a type of Fey, but no one would publish such a book so she had to re-write it. Imagine my relief.)

So guess what I got for Bella's Mary Sue score after only two out of four sections?

Seventy.

Anything above fifty is, and I quote, "Kill it dead."

That's even higher than Hesther from "The Scarlet Letter."

I respect Twilight for its ability to create rabid fangirls out of about one half of the female population, and for the fact that the covers were pretty, and I am willing to admit that it's a guilty pleasure. (Breaking Dawn ruined it. As did Bella not getting her head together and going with a human. Come on, people. Do YOU want to... never mind.)

But I am too afraid to get Renesmee's score. Good God.